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Pairings: Liason, with mentions of Jasam



All or Nothing At All

by ThroughtheMirrorDarkly


The kiss had been amazing. It was always amazing.

The connection that always pulled them together was overwhelming, and that small bit of hope that had been building inside of Elizabeth sparked to life. Jason had told her over and over that him and Sam were over. That his marriage was done, and all that was left was ink on the divorce papers. Elizabeth hadn't believed it at first, but after the last two months they had been split, she had started to. Sam seemed to be moving on with John McBain, and Jason had barely been around the other woman.

And almost everyday he came to talk to her. So was it any wonder that Elizabeth started to give into those old feelings that she had buried since he walked away at the courthouse? Is it any wonder that she really begun to belive it was their time?

Then he said, "We can't. We...can't do this, Elizabeth."

Elizabeth had asked, "What's wrong?"

The worst thing she thought he could have said was that he was still in love with Sam, and that he just wasn't ready to move on. Instead, he gave some excuse about Jake and Cameron. That it would be wrong for them to get together, and not honor his memory.

Honestly, Elizabeth had tuned him out the moment the excuse fell from his lips, and stared up at him blankly. He couldn't be serious, right now? Could he? She pulled her hands out of his, and narrowed her eyes in confusion. Elizabeth took a step back from him, and gave a light scoff. "Alright...let me get this straight. Because we agreed to not be together to protect our son all those years, that if we got together now it would not honor his memory? Is that what you are trying to say?" Elizabeth commented, her voice was too calm. The calm before the storm because inside her stomach churned with anger.

"Yes..." Jason's brow furrowed.

"But having a family with Sam? That's honoring his memory?" Elizabeth said, cuttingly.

Jason's eyes widened. "Elizabeth, we don't know if Sam's baby is mine," he said, trying to reach for her, but she pulled out of his reach.

"No, you don't. But you and Sam have been trying for a family for a while now, haven't you?" Elizabeth said, putting the couch between the two of them. She looked around the penthouse, and it was so different from the time that she called it home.

"Elizabeth, if you feel that we are replacing Jake," Jason began, but Elizabeth waved him off.

"I'm not mad that you and Sam wanted children together, Jason," Elizabeth told him, flatly. She gave him a dark look out of the corner of her eye, and crossed her arms over her chest. "It actually has nothing to do with that at all. It doesn't even have anything to do with Sam. I just think that's a bit hypocritical for you to try and use our son's memory as an excuse not to be with me, because we sacrificed our relationship for his safety when only four months ago you were ready to have a family with Sam in spite of the danger."

Elizabeth let out a sigh of frustration, and turned to face him. "You were such an honest man. You never lied to me, so please don't start now," she told him, firmly.

"Lying to you?" Jason gaped. "How am I lying to you?"

"You are using Jake as an excuse to not try," Elizabeth told him, heatedly. "You are using his memory to justify not trying with me again because you can't use danger anymore after our son's death proved that danger is everywhere and comes in different forms. Forms that have nothing to do with the mob."

“That’s not what I’m doing,” Jason defended himself.

"Really?" Elizabeth wasn't buying. "Our relationship was put on hold with one excuse after another. You came up with an excuse, I came up with an excuse, and the excuses were only fueled even further by the doubts and misunderstandings. All of that made us continue to dance around each other instead of giving each other an honest chance."

Jason swallowed, his eyes darted away from hers. The look she gave him was too intense, it was like trying to stare at the sun and not get burnt.

Elizabeth let out a disappointed sigh, and shook her head. "If you can't be honest with me, be honest with yourself," she told him, her tone softening. "Are you using Jake as excuse to hide from your feelings for me, so you don't get hurt again? Or are you using him to try and not hurt my feelings because you still love Sam?"

Jason swallowed, thickly. He looked down at his shoes, and there was weight in the center of his chest. He didn't know what to say, or what he should say. The obvious disappointment that was on Elizabeth's voice was more cutting than any words of anger that Sam could have spewed at him.

Elizabeth blinked back the tears, because she swore that she would never open her heart to Jason like this ever again. But there was that part of her that couldn't help to hope that it would there time. "I can't keep doing this, Jason. I'm tired of the constant push and pull that we've done for years. I'm tired of having to pick up the broken pieces when things don't turn out right for us because we're always too scared to try," she whispered out, sniffling slightly. "So...if you want to try...if you want to be with me then I need an answer. A real one because I want it all, or nothing at all because we can't be friends, Jason. We always want more when we try to be friends, and I...I'm tired of holding onto to this hope. It's destroying me from the inside out, and I don’t want to be down in a deep dark hold again like I was after the mistake I made with Nicolas and Lucky. I won’t survive another plummet off the edge.”

“You are strong enough to survive anything,” Jason countered, lightly after finding his voice. His face was twisted with despair, all hopes and dreams that he fought down for so long being dug up by Elizabeth’s words.

“Once I was. Once I was harder to bruise,” Elizabeth whispered out, her jaw clenched. “But things change. They always do no matter how hard we try to keep them the same. Especially when we try to keep them the same.”

Jason bit the inside of his cheek, wiping a hand down his jaw. “Elizabeth…”

"You know, Jason," Elizabeth cut him off, before he could give her another excuse or try to placate her. Her heart couldn’t handle, either. Her blue eyes stared at his face with clear disappointment shining in them, and her lips twisted downward. "If you had told me that you were still in love with Sam, or didn't want to start anything until your relationship was resolved...I would have respected that. Using our son as an excuse like you did? I can't respect that."

And with that Elizabeth stormed out the door.

 

Chapter End Notes:

I always felt that Jason never gave Liz a clean break, and that affected her more than most realize.

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